I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
