Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
