Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
