so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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