College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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