I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I see more hoeing in ur future
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