the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
