Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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