I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
