One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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