Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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