3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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