its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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