I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I FOUND THE LEGS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
