I am spending my child support on dildos
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
