I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
