it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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