Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
