I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
