is your mom at the bar?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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