So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
