even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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