i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
