You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
