i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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