The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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