1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
