I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
