I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
