I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
