You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
