Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
