Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
