i jhust puked up my retainher.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
