I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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