their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
