i would punch a child for taco bell
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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