it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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