Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Someone signed my nipple.
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