do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
