Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
