i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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