highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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