i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
