I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
