Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
accomplished twins. life is a go
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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