I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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