I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
