what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
