If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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