So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
